Brave
by jtav
Summary: Asami and Mako want to visit. Korra doesn't want them to see an invalid. Another of Katara's patients provides perspective.


It was one of Korra's good days. She stumbled to breakfast eager to down a plate of seal jerky before her session with Katara. And, she thought grimly, _stumble_ was the word. Eight months after the poison, she could more or less navigate the Southern Water Tribe Palace and only needed her cane on the really bad days. But she had the coordination of a drunken otter-penguin. She bit back a curse as she gripped the countertop. She had seen this kind of thing before when Katara had taught her healing. Children born too early who learned to walk late and clumsily and whose parents cheered as they mastered the skill to deal with buttons and other small objects. That might be enough for the daughter of a fisherman, but the world needed an Avatar who could fight.

Her dad's face was grim and serious as he stood up from the breakfast table. "Katara told me to tell you that there won't be a healing session today. One of the Harbor City officers was trying to make an arrest and—"

"Did something happen?" Korra felt her legs wobble dangerously and sank into the nearest chair. There was a pit where her stomach was supposed to be as what was left of Aang in her screamed in a blind panic. "Is she hurt? If something happened to her…"

His eyes widened slightly. "No, no. Nothing like that. But the criminal, he was a triad member, fugitive from Republic City. Squad took him down, but not before he got one of the officers in the back. Katara's with her now."

Korra raked her hand through her hair. Republic City crooks all the way down here? There was a time she would've considered that impossible. Now it seemed almost quaint, as the United Republic's police force modernized along with the rest of the nation and people like Viper headed to the Earth Kingdom or down here in search of easy yuans. If the light peeking through the cracks in her dad's door meant anything, she wasn't the only one having trouble sleeping lately. "I—I should be able to do something! Kicking criminal tail, not sitting around here like a—"

 _Like a cripple,_ whispered a voice that was low and menacing. The voice was always there, reminding her of what she was, how the world was falling apart and how she wasn't the Avatar as long as she was trapped down here. She fought the urge to cover her ears.

"You don't have to sit around." Her dad sat, and his hand hovered over her knee. "I got a letter from Republic City yesterday. Two letters, in fact. From Asami and Mako."

Korra looked up, surprised. Asami wrote her almost every day, and Korra had spent so many of her sleepless nights poring over her letters that she imagined that she could see Asami's face and hear her voice when she stared at the characters. That she could feel her hand on her shoulder when she ran her fingers over the paper. Mako didn't write nearly as often, but there was still a thick stack on her desk. Neither of them had mentioned writing to her dad. "What did they say?"

"Asami's coming down for a conference in a few months. I'm hoping I can convince her to show off some of the things she did for Republic City. And in between all the very official official-speak, she asked if I would mind if she stayed a few extra days, visited the palace. That sort of thing."

Korra seized the armrests of her chair. For the second time in five minutes, she felt like she had been punched in the stomach. "Asami is coming here? At the end of the year?"

"To Harbor City? Yes. But not here unless you ask. And Mako… he asked me if I would support him being on the security detail. He wants to come too." His hand finally touched her leg. "Your friends miss you, Korra."

"I know." She thought again of the stacks of letters that filled her room. They certainly said they missed her, even Mako in his own awkward way. But they were moving on. Asami with her reconstruction contracts and a company that was thriving. Mako with his beating bad guys. They thought of her and remembered someone who had faced down the Red Lotus, who had made rude jokes over dinner. Someone _vital._ Not a clumsy shadow of a woman.

She remembered other things about those children who had come to Katara. The pitying looks of the other tribesmen, the way they were praised and patted on the head for being able to clean and dress themselves. She couldn't bear for Asami and Mako to look at her like that. They would tell her about all the things they were doing and she would reply that she could finally take herself to the bathroom.

She couldn't—wouldn't—be pitied. Not by these people who loved her. "Maybe someday, when I'm better." She forced a smile. "I will get better. I promise."

"At least write them back. I'm sure they'd love to hear from you."

But when Korra went back to her room and looked at the pile of unanswered mail, even writing back seemed almost as impossible as returning to who she had been before the poison.

* * *

"Is Master Katara here?"

Korra stiffened, turned, and exhaled sharply. _Stop being such a scaredy cat-mouse. You're supposed to be the Avatar._ But when she saw who it was, her muscles seized for an entirely different reason. The woman behind her was maybe thirty-five and she would've been pretty once upon a time. Her face was covered in long, deep scars and she sat in a wheelchair almost identical to the one Korra had once used. Her legs were almost too stiff, as if they had been deliberately placed for proper sitting posture. "You're that cop. The one the Triple Threat got in the back."

Half her mouth quirked into a smile. "And you're the Avatar." She offered her hand. "I'm Aluki."

"Korra." They shook hands, but Korra couldn't stop staring. Katara had told her stories about Teo, but this was the first time she had ever met someone who was…well, like her. Someone who had gone from being a protector to needing someone to take care of them. The kids who she and Katara had helped had been born like that. But here was someone who knew what she had lost. And yet, Aluki's gaze was focused.

 _How do you deal with all this? Do you have nightmares too?_

"Avatar Korra?"

Korra snapped to attention, embarrassed. "Er, sorry. What were you saying?"

"I asked if Master Katara left any scrolls for me." A faint dusting of red colored her cheeks. "They were supposed to help with certain…things."

Korra's brow furrowed. Why was Aluki talking like Katara was helping her extract cactus juice? "She went to the market, but I saw some scrolls on her desk. Just give me a sec." Aluki opened her mouth to say something, but Korra was already hobbling toward Katara's study.

Katara's study was neat and smelled faintly of dried herbs. Korra lingered for a moment over a photograph of Katara, Aang, Sokka, Toph, and Zuko that had been taken around the time Aang had defeated Yakone. Aang was making rabbit-lynx ears over Zuko's head and Zuko was pretending not to notice. Team Avatar, friends forever. Korra's throat burned. Someday that would be her and her friends again.

The scrolls lay on top of Katara's desk, the paper yellowing and crinkly. And illustrated. Korra's eyes widened. There were naked people. Doing things. With hands and mouths and…could you even been that way? She was pretty sure that she and Mako had tried that once and she had gotten an elbow in her eye for her trouble.

"Avatar Korra!" Aluki rolled furiously towards the study. She stared at Korra again and looked as if she wanted to disappear into the floor. Korra could sympathize.

Korra held up the scroll. "Is this what you want?" Her voice was a croak.

"Yes, thank you." Korra would have said that she sounded like she was asking for tea—if there had been a rampaging moose-yak tearing through the teahouse. She took the scrolls gingerly and tucked them into her coat. "My husband is waiting with the Satovan. I'll be going now."

"So, you're not going to tell me why my master has something like that? Because I've known Katara for a long time and she doesn't seem like the type. Neither do you."

"Katara warned me that you were nosy." Aluki was silent for a long time. "But maybe you of all people will understand." She sighed. "I miss having sex. You'd think I'd miss walking or being a cop and I do, but what I really miss is sex. My husband touching me besides—"

"—besides when it's time to give you a bath or when you've made a mess because you wet the bed." She thought of Asami dressing her and fixing her hair, the tender, sad look she gave Korra. "I get it." She took in Aluki's scars and atrophied legs. "Can I ask you something? Personal? "

"I think we're kind of past personal, Avatar Korra," she said with a laugh.

"Are you scared?" Korra swallowed and her palms were cool with sweat. "That it won't work? That it'll hurt or you won't be able to feel anything or…" Her words came faster and faster until they were tumbling out like water. "That you'll never get what you lost back, and they'll always see you as just the girl in the chair?"

"Terrified. But I want my marriage back. I'll never be a cop again but I can do that. I hope."

"And you don't worry about what he'll see when he looks at you?" Korra blushed again. "Sorry, sorry. I know that was really inappropriate, but I haven't seen my friends for almost nine months and they want to come and I don't think want them to see me like this but I miss them and…" She inhaled and her shoulders slumped. "Nobody ever tells you how much this sucks, do they?"

"No." She smiled again. "But he said that seeing me when I was a little bit broken was part of what marriage was."

"Really?" It wasn't the same thing, but she loved Asami and Mako. She hadn't wanted them to see her like this: scarred and clumsy and in pain. But here was Aluki showing her husband so much more than that and saying that it was part of what love was. It seemed strange. Either very brave or very stupid. But to have her life back, to hear familiar laughter ringing through the air.

Brave, she decided. And the Avatar had to be at least as brave as a cop. "Good luck," she said and walked out the door.

Korra hadn't meant to go almost a year without writing to her friends. She had just never known what to say. But for the first time, as she stared at the paper, words came.

 _Dear Asami,_

 _I'm sorry that I didn't write to you sooner. I never knew what to say, and I was scared. Dad says that you and Mako want to come visit. I'm getting around a little better, but I'm still kind of messed up. But if that's okay with you, I'd really love to see you again. Both of you._

 _Your friend,_

 _Korra_

* * *

It was one of Korra's bad days. She woke to pain in her leg and a deep exhaustion that left her feeling like she had fought Amon, Unalaq, and the Red Lotus all at the same time. There were shadows like bruises under her eyes.

"Sweetie?" Her mom's voice was soft and tentative through the door. "If you want to meet your friends, you have to get up now."

Korra forced herself to sit up and groaned. Her friends. The ship was arriving in—she squinted at the clock—three hours. Of course it would be today. When she felt awful and looked worse. She was going to have to use the chair. They really would see an invalid then. What kind of idiot was she?

Brave. She took a deep breath and thought of Aluki. She just had to be brave and do this. "I think I'm going to need a little help."

Three hours later, she was on the docks in her chair and dressed in her best, watching as the ship pulled into harbor. Lightbulbs flashed as reporters congregated to get a few words from the Wonder Girl of Republic City. The White Lotus stiffened as if they were afraid the reporters would move on to Korra next.

And then Korra saw them.

Asami looked so much older. Her jacket and skirt were different, and she had pulled her hair back. Her cheekbones and jaw were sharper than Korra remembered. Her skin glowed with health. Mako stood beside her. His hair was different too, styled like General Iroh's. His dark suit was immaculate and professional. Just for a moment, Korra was seventeen again and looking at the beautiful, golden couple. The thing she wanted but could never have. Who _did_ she think she was?

"Korra!"

Asami took off across the docks, heedless of either her heels or the reporters. She enveloped Korra in a hug that was all warmth and strength. Korra's eyes burned, and there was wetness on her cheeks and it was impossible to say whether the tears were hers or Asami's. "I missed you so much."

"Me too." Korra pulled back. "I'm a bit of a mess, sorry. Hasn't been a good day."

"I'm just glad to see you again. Good day or bad." Asami's voice broke. "I love you, Korra."

"We both do." Mako gently nudged Asami aside to envelop Korra in a hug of his own.

Maybe things would be all right after all.


End file.
